Opinion
The man in front of me was cracking it at the cashier. Five minutes later I lost it myself
Kate Halfpenny
Regular columnistSecurity at Tullamarine cleared, my husband and I hit the newsagent. He lined up to pay for a magazine. Three minutes later, he hadn’t moved. What was taking so long? I put down Tatler and went to see.
Turned out the global IT outage of July 19 was kicking off. The shop couldn’t process payments. My husband was bemused. The dude in front was apoplectic.
Bad behaviour is everywhere - have we lost the art of civil behaviour?Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto
“What do you mean, I can’t pay? Stuff the card then, I’ve got cash,” Angry Man told the shop assistant, whose training probably hadn’t included handling a worldwide tech meltdown. Sorry, she said. I won’t be able to record the transaction or give a receipt.
It was like Angry Man had heard his mum cleared out all his old stuff from the garage, including the K-Tel record selector. He abandoned his inside voice.
“What? That makes no sense! F---ing ridiculous. What country is this?”
Chris and I watched him storm righteously off. We were like, “Whoa, it’s not the assistant’s fault. Cool your jets you angry ant!” Then we got to the Virgin Lounge and nobody’s entry pass could be scanned.
The idea of missing out on free salty snacks made me so unhappy I brandished my phone and sense of entitlement and tried jumping the queue and just walking on in.
In my mind, it was like Kristen Wiig trying to switch plane seats in Bridesmaids. Kinda charming and funny. Nah. As a sometime judge of jerk behaviour on the Jerkle of Life segment on Sammy J’s ABC Radio Melbourne show, I know jerk moves.
Poor airport behaviour by me, and not for the first time. I’ve outed myself before for “Karening” at a departure gate.
Not trying to downplay my own relentless putting of myself first, but anyone else cracked it lately or been unable to see someone else’s perspective? Anecdotally and statistically it’s a thing. Rude behaviour is contagious and on the rise, a 2023 study in the Harvard Business Review found.
Certainly, our roads are becoming battlegrounds. The number of drivers verbally abused has risen by 18 per cent since 2020, and those who admitted to intentionally hurting or threatening another driver doubled from 2021 to 2023, according to a survey by insurance company Budget Direct.
More than 92 per cent of retailers surveyed by the Australian Retailers Association last year said they or a team member had experienced verbal or physical assault at work. Much of it when they approached someone caught doing something wrong, like shoplifting.
Adult tantrums, tourists wrecking things to get selfies, audiences throwing things during shows at Harry Styles and Cardi B. Why are we losing touch with civility? Social media’s “main character mentality”, which makes us think we’re special, stress – Christ, pick your poison there – and decaying societal connections, experts say.
And yeah, the pandemic. During COVID, “it was like every man for himself,” New York neuropsychologist Sanam Hafeez told Axios. “Almost like we gave ourselves silent permission to drop our pretences.”
One American Airlines pilot had enough of the lack of decorum on his flights last July and, in audio that went viral, he urged fliers to “be nice” and “respectful” to each other: “I shouldn’t have to say that.”
Recently, a US judge went one further, tackling rudeness with what’s been called “the empathy punishment”. The case: a Cleveland woman hurled a burrito bowl in the face of a fast food joint’s employee because her food took ages to prepare and looked “disgusting”. The punishment: walk in the victim’s shoes.
In sentencing Rosemary Hayne, judge Timothy Gilligan offered an unusual deal: Hayne could shave 60 days off her jail time if she worked in a fast-food restaurant for 20 hours a week for two months – an experiment in forced empathy.
Hayne took the deal. She got a job at a Burger King, which told the judge their new employee was so good they wanted to keep her. Hayne quit anyway as soon as she could, but said she’d “grown” from the experience.
Empathy! Beats jail. Cheaper than therapy. Virgin, should you need me, I’m happy to man your lounge door for a day.
Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.
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