In their own words: Why Perth people aren’t having more babies

Ashley, Kuma and Oudom: ‘We’re paying $3000 a month for childcare so having kids is a financial challenge’

ASHLEY: I only have one sibling, but I grew up in South Africa around families and kids and always wanted one of my own. It was just a matter of the right person coming along. That happened when I met Kuma. On the second date I texted my Mum and said, “I’m going to have a child with this man.” Marriage was not that important. I just needed to picture myself raising a child with this person.

We discussed having children on our first date, but that wasn’t the reason I knew Kuma would be a great father. It is more picking up on what kind of person he is. Kuma is a nurturer. He is a paediatric occupational therapist. He is just the best person.

KUMA: I grew up in New Jersey in a big Cambodian-American family, so it was natural for me to want to have kids. I have lots of nieces and nephews so it was not a question of doing it, but of when.

ASHLEY: I’m 33 and Oudom is 14 months. So that is getting a bit up there having a first child. But most of my friends are either not married or just having kids, so I wasn’t comparing myself to the average. Some of those people would have had kids by now, but they are having fertility issues. It is becoming a significant problem for women of my generation.

We probably would have had a child earlier, but we had been living and working around the world. So when we moved to Perth two years ago we knew it was time to start a family. We arrived in May and by August I was pregnant. I’m a type A personality, so I’m impatient.

KUMA: We definitely want more children, but we’re paying $3000 a month for childcare so having kids is a financial challenge. And we’re not permanent residents yet so we don’t get any support. That’s fine. We are both working and we love our childcare.

ASHLEY: My mother wasn’t one of those Boomers who was anxious for a grandchild. She was a cool mum. She loved the freedom of no kids. She especially loved when we were working around the world because she could travel to different places. She has been to Perth four times and now is a bit over it. I think she liked it better when we were living in different places without a child!

KUMA: My mother already has 11 grandchildren so it is not a big deal for her. She definitely loves having another grandchild, but when all my brothers and sisters have children it is not quite as exciting as it might have been. I’m the second-youngest, so [Oudom] was a bit late to the party.

ASHLEY: Of course, we worry about all things my generation worry about, such as climate change and the threat of war. But what is foremost in our minds is the cost of raising a child. I came from a middle-class family in South Africa. My brother and I went to very good private schools. I would like to provide Odie with the same lifestyle that I enjoyed, and I worry that is not going to be possible. I don’t want to ever be restricted financially.

I want to have a second child fairly quickly, but Kuma worries that it will put too much of a strain on us financially. We are hoping to get permanent residence, so there will be a little more support for childcare.

My brother and his partner live in Portugal. They’re both very career-driven. They have a wonderful full life, and have just made the decision not to have children. When I asked him, he said, “I’m too selfish. I want to enjoy my life.” I think a lot of people are making that decision.

Bailey and Cyan: ‘Having children is not a priority for me’

BAILEY: Before we begin, let’s get one thing straight: Cyan and I aren’t partners!

CYAN: Just two friends having a picnic.

BAILEY: But children is certainly something I discussed with my previous partner and it is something we agreed upon — that it will be nice to have a child but it’s not a priority. I’m only 27 and there are many things that I want to do before I have a child. Having a child is the biggest responsibility you will ever have, and there is so much more I want to experience before I accept that responsibility.

CYAN: There used to be a lot more pressure in Chinese culture than there is now to have children. I’m 30, and I have been in a relationship for five years, but nobody within my family is pressuring me to have kids. And most of my friends are only [now] getting married. So there has been an enormous social change. However, having children is still a big topic of conversation.

BAILEY: I’m an only child. My mum was happy to stop at me. She said that one was enough. Being on my own made me want to have children and create my own family. I know what it is like to grow up without siblings and how lonely that can be; now that I am an adult I am happy to be on my own. I’m not against kids, they’re simply not a priority for me.

CYAN: I do have an age limit for myself. If I don’t have a child by the age of 40 I won’t pursue it. But having a child is not as easy as all that. I have friends and family members who are in their early 30s and having trouble falling pregnant. So you can’t just say, “I want a kid” and have it. You have to plan for it and be prepared to wait for it to happen.

BAILEY: It’s definitely a hot topic of conversation with friends of my age — having and not having kids. Some strongly believe that it is selfish to not want to have kids, whereas others — me included — feel that bringing kids into such a troubled world is selfish. Climate change is a huge topic. Look how much humankind has expanded so quickly. I think the Earth is trying to say something.

CYAN: When my parents were brought up, nobody worried about their futures. They were given enough to allow them to have responsibility for themselves and go into the world. Nowadays we worry more about our children. If you want to make sure your children are well looked-after then, yes, you are going to worry about the future and maybe not have kids.

BAILEY: Everyone is so career-driven these days that making room for a kid is hard. And that is not just greed. The cost-of-living crisis means that it is hard to look after yourself without having to support a child. The world is not what it was 30 or 40 years ago.

CYAN: And with social media, we know so much more about the challenges of raising children. Sometimes knowing too much is a bad thing!

BAILEY: Having children [at all] is not a priority for me. However, if I fell in love with someone who really wanted children it is certainly something I would seriously consider. And I definitely would say that if I was going to be a father, I would be the best that I could be. A child would be everything for me.

William: ‘I’m unwilling to make the sacrifices to raise a kid in a way they deserve to be raised’

I come from a family of eight, so there are enough kids from my family for me not to add to the population. And I get more than enough affection from my many nieces and nephews. It is something my partner and I have discussed extensively, and we are both in agreement. We definitely don’t want kids.

Bringing a child into this world is a huge responsibility. A lot of people have kids without considering the demands it will put on them. They don’t think about the repercussions of having a kid. I think it is irresponsible. I am unwilling to make the sacrifices needed to raise a kid in a way they deserve to be raised, so I have made the decision not to have one. And my partner feels the same.

[We] are both theatre artists, and we have big dreams and ambitions. We want to travel and work overseas. A child would delay or stop us from achieving those goals. We would love to get an animal, but that would stop us from travelling and pursuing our dreams. Like a kid [would], I guess.

And raising a child is very expensive. It’s not impossible but it costs — what are those figures— like a million dollars for every child. So it’s something for people with a fair bit of money.

If I ever feel the urge to have a child we are more likely to foster or adopt … I just don’t think we need to keep adding to the population.

There is no pressure on me to provide grandchildren because there are already so many in the family. There are six or seven already … so I guess I am fortunate that my mother and father have already had their wish for grandchildren fulfilled. Other people from smaller families are not as lucky.

I know there is a lot of discussion about our generation — I’m 29 and my partner is 24 — not wanting children, but I think the desire is still there. It is just that they are delaying starting families. My mother had us kids at 17 or 18 back in the 1980s. That is not happening in our friendship group. But many of them definitely do still have the urge.

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